Everything I love leaves.

All this negativity bottled up inside.

2012-01-27T11:39:00.000-08:00

To some certain friends that I'm allegedly 'shafting'... People change as they grow older. Along with that comes new priorities and a clearer view of the world. In the best case scenario, friends grow together in these areas, but that is not always the case. Often, we grow apart. The relationship is no longer the positive, uplifting force it used to be, yet we still hold out hope that things will get better.

Well, I’m done. Ever so often, I have to do a sort of ‘cleaning house’ where I remove myself from friendships that have become toxic or aren’t mutually beneficial, and I feel that time has come again. I have no time for negativity or pettiness, and life is too short to keep giving time to people who drain my energy. Sometimes you just have to let go.

To Jazlan; honestly though, I’m just hoping another opportunity would come by. I really don’t want to be angry anymore, but I do need that closure. I want all of this to just be over.

This is Aika, okay?

2012-01-20T04:05:00.000-08:00

Mahal kita :*

JA

2012-01-15T07:20:00.001-08:00

Why did I have to fall so hopelessly in love with you? I wish I could just move the fuck on and stop feeling this heartache every time these memories surface, knowing that I’ll never find someone as amazing as you and never feel as happy as I did when I was with you.

I sit back and watch time & time again, my friends & family find a lover, a new best friend. And right now i tell myself that i’m young and carefree, and that I do not mind.

Everyone should read this. *Copy pasted from a friend's blog.

2012-01-14T07:02:00.001-08:00

Checking out at the supermarket recently, the young cashier suggested I should bring my own bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. I apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days“.

The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations“.

She was right about one thing–our generation didn’t have the green thing in “Our” day. So what did we have back then? After some reflection and soul-searching on “Our” day, here’s what I remembered we did have….

Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles repeatedly. So they really were recycled. But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s nappies because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 240 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of Wales. In the kitchen, we blended & stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right. We didn’t have the green thing back then.

We drank from a water fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?

Please post this on your Facebook profile so another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smarty-pants young person can add to this

It's impossible to pretend

2012-01-14T06:06:00.000-08:00

One of the worst moment in one’s life a person can encounter is that fleeting moment when you are between asleep and awake. That moment after a bad fight, a horrible loss—the moment when you forget for a moment the truth and then it hits you right smack in the face. You wake up and you remember that you aren’t fine. You get up and you walk around almost as if you aren’t there. You get up just to get through with it but all you want to do is to go someplace where you can’t be found because you want to run away. You run away from confronting your problems, from people who have hurt you. You run away from yourself because you know that you can get through it but right now, you just choose not to.

One moment you’re on top of the world. You have everything you want and more. You have people you hold on to, you attach yourself to so deeply because as much as you don’t show it to the world, you need them, you need their strength. Because each and everyone of us, we have our own monsters, our own weaknesses that we try so hard to fight and veer away from. And these people help us, they understand us, they accept us for who we are—imperfect, faulty, unworthy. And you do everything that you can, in your power, even if it hurts you, even if it hurts them, because you want them to stay. You need them more than they need you.

But nothing is constant. And people leave. People love you less. People hurt you. Maybe you should let them go. And you are left with a question.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

Day 6: Any words of wisdom/advice for anyone?

2012-01-12T11:18:00.001-08:00

To my loved ones, may you never experience the pain I felt and don't trust so easily.

To my haters, here's some wisdom; the world would be a better place without you.

Day 5: Describe an adventure you had this year.

2012-01-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

An adventure? In 2011? Frankly speaking, I have no regrets.

I guess going on a date with a guy I barely know was an adventure, as I have never done that before. That guy said shall remain anonymous because hah, malu k. :p Anyway I had a great time he was really sweet and stuff... :)

He picked me from St Co at about 10 in the morning when I was visiting Malaysia for summer break and then brought me to the place where we first met. A cafe. It was a hilarious experience as the staff knew us and it just rekindled memories of when we first met each other. It was a totally random meeting that blossomed into a friendship and soon I had a crush on him but anyway... haha. So yeah we were eating and talking, he was smoking and flipping through my yearbook and making fun of people ( in a non-mean way) and then he sent me back to school as I had a lunch date with my girlfriends.

About 2pm he texted me asking if I was still at lunch and I replied yes. So he was like, "Mok tgk movie sik? (wanna watch a movie?)" And I told my girlfriends and they all knew I liked him and told me to just go for it. So I replied yes and he was like, "Gimme 10 mins and I'll pick you up" So he came and when I entered his car, he said he already called ahead the cinema and we were watching Harry Potter at 4pm.. So then we had about 2 hours to kill -_____-||| LOL

So he drove around town finding a place to chill but we didn't go to a cafe or anything cause I didn't want to meet anyone I know, or it'll be really awkward. So he thought of going to the beach, cause who the hell would go to the beach at 2pm in the afternoon on a weekday.... Okay us. Anyway we hanged out there for about 2 hours and we just talked about stupid stuffs. I remember we even talked about politics! So random.. haha :) Then we just sat in silence awhile.. while he smokes. LOL I generally don't like smokers but idk he looked cute k HAHAHA so moving on...

so then we went to the cinemas and watched the movie and he said it was his first time watching a Harry Potter movie aww O:) and I kept spoiling the movie for him until he took his hand and covered my mouth saying "Shushh ktk! Kmk mok tgk movie tok!!! (shh you I wanna watch the movie) eeeeeee dont spoil it!" Hahaha and he was laughing but he held my hand throughout the whole movie and that was stuck in my mind the whole time heeeeee... :p

So yeah after the movie we drove around some more and he sent me home... It was an adventure I guess, because I've never done that sort of thing and I guess it was really sweet of him. We didn't end up being a couple but I remember that day as it was a first of it's kind for me..

x

One moment can last a lifetime.

Here we go again..

2012-01-10T07:36:00.000-08:00

Oh hi Aimi, hi.

Bash me again la... okay... I don't know if people read your blog so your rants might not matter to people lol. I only knew about it because my friend googled my name and came across your blog. Oh by the way thank you for calling me "Princess Qyira", when can I have my crown?

"Okay okay...so.u realy want me to write ur name in my blog huh??very well Princess Qyira...My PLEASURE...okay..u were the one who said if im gonna talk bout u..have the guts to write ur name???THERE U ARE!! but u're the one who didnt write my name...

HAH...wow..im so thankful that i have many friends here...and what did they said to me was u're one psycopath...MOVE ON!!! okay..u may think im childish..well, I AM...and u cant change that..and also that i heard bout ur height..what r u??A monkey???how can u be shorter than Daus??i realy cant imagine or believe that u're older than me but pffftt..only by a year..

So WHAT..i dont care..realy man...u realy cant get over Oppa??"

Haih.. have you forgotten how to type properly? Seriously I give up lah wanna argue again.. And really I can't get over your 'oppa' (ew gross) pisses you off? Lol why do you give a fuck , cause you obviously can't get over him as well! Awwww :) I feel so sorry for you... but whatever I probably will never meet you anyway. Okay okay I get it, you have awesome friends but oops did anyone tell you how much people talk behind your back too? HA.HA.HA. I guess you just can't trust people eh? Just goes to show what people's opinion of you are...

Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.
It's ridiculous.

Day 4: Something you’ve learned this year.

2012-01-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

I learned that I shouldn't kill myself over things that obviously don't matter.
I learned to not give a fuck about what people say about me.
I learned to know who to trust.

x

Day 3: A person or persons who has impacted your life in some way last year.

2012-01-09T08:32:00.000-08:00

First love, it never goes away no matter how hard you try it’ll always be in the back of your mind. Our story is unbelievable it doesn’t make sense, we didn’t make sense. When it first started out I’d get butterflies with the mention of his name, it made my heart skip a beat, even if it wasn’t him who they talked about. Now the mere sound of his name makes my stomach drops and my guts turn. I don’t think I’ll ever understand, how can fireworks turn into wildfires? Hate so strong it makes you nauseous. Would things have been different now, If I had expressed how I felt about him more? It’s inevitable not to think about how things could have turned out if some things had changed. I’m not mad at him I can’t be, I’m mad at myself for letting this go on for so long. Inside me something will always be missing without him here, I’ll never have a friend like him again but I suppose that’s the way it’s meant to be.

There’s nothing left for me here but to apologize for all the mistakes I made, the mistakes we both made. My tears will dry. As days go by, I’ll miss him a little bit less. The pain will go away, my days won’t be so gray. I still have some hope that maybe one day I’ll be okay, I’ll be happy again. Sometimes the people you think will love you the most in the world turn out to be the ones who hurt you more than anyone else. One thing I do know is… when I’m older I’ll always think of him and smile, the things we put each other through, the fights, the infidelity, the lies, the heartbreaking ending, none of it will matter because he was the one that made me realize it is possible to love, even if it was just for a while. It’s hard to forget the first person that made you feel something never in your life have you felt before. As cliché as it might sound, I know nothing last forever.

2011,

It was a year where I was let down by a lot of people. There was a lot of drama and heartbreaks. I regretted a lot of things. Everything seemed to be so wrong and the perfect things would always happen at the wrong time. A lot happened. More than I could handle. But hey, i’m glad to say that I survived it and made it into 2012. It wasn’t easy, but I’m now making sure that 2012 will be a whole lot better.

Day 2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?

2012-01-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

I think moving to Saudi has changed me tremendously. I changed by having a long distance relationship, experiencing it for the first time(with Syukri) made me realise we're not good together. I guess I was the one who was really immature and I apologise but I do not regret breaking up with him. heh. call me mean but you didn't know us so ok anyway........

Changes overall ain't so obvious in my opinion... I sort of just realised how to handle different kind of situations and how not to break down easily, something I used to do a lot in 2010 and beginning of 2011.. I used to just stay up till 3am crying my eyes out for no obvious reason. I'm probably mental but yeah that used to be me. I changed when I entered senior year, waking me up that I have to be in college soon and my parents won't be there for me all the time like they used to. I learned to survive without my best friends 5 days of the week. I learned to keep my emotions in check and to cool my temper (especially when dealing certain saudis in public).

So yeah, I wasn't 100% the same person that I was in the beginning the 2011, but I'm not so different that I'm not me. :)

Hiatus for a week...

2012-01-01T14:26:00.000-08:00

It’s funny how the less you talk, the more you realize it wasn’t meant to be. It’s funny how slow it began and how fast it ended. It’s funny how in the beginning, he liked you, but in the end he liked someone else. It’s funny how he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

Day 1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?

2012-01-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

Memorable moment doesn't have to be a good moment right? So here goes.. It's such a cliche but I dunno that's me and I'm pathetic.

The moment when I changed my relationship status on Facebook back to 'Single'. From 'In a relationship with Jazlan Ariff' to 'Single'. I cried for pretty much 3 hours straight because I know, there is absolutely no chance at all for us to be together after that, cause that's just the kind of guy you are. You're a person with a massive ego, and that's not a bad thing, honestly. It's just that changing the status makes it all the more final, all the more REAL that we're over.

People were shocked when they noticed it, some of my friends even said 'I knew it' and honestly that fucking hurts. What kind of friend are you being by saying that to me? Yes when I was dating Jazlan I was praising him to the skies because I really loved him, I thought he was pretty much perfect. Hah. I was wrong but it was still wrong of you, being my 'friend' to say I deserved it. No one deserves to feel unloved. No one deserved to have sweet promises promised to them and have them broken just because.. well.

Once again, I wanna say to you, Jazlan, if you do read my blog. Lying to me about all your supposed 'problems' that were the reasons you wanted to break up with me was low. You're a proud person and I respect that, but that doesn't give you the right to treat a girl that way. I only pray you do not treat a girl the same way you treated me. I hope you and Dania last. Then you could say you're finally in a long term relationship and that you're not afraid of commitments because well, what was your longest relationship? Don't gain a reputation as a player... I realise I'm not in a position to be doling advices to you, being an ex but that's the reality of life. I'm younger than you, and maybe I don't know as much as you so you can treat my words as some stupid ramblings of a teenage girl with serious issues (LOL no wonder you wanted to break up with me).

Okay I realised I have strayed from my challenge, so I'll just state again, my most memorable moment in 2011 is unfortunately not a happy one and I only have you thank for it. You taught me a lesson well learnt though, that I shouldn't place my ALL my hopes on one single person cause I'll just be the one getting the worst part of it in the end.

Idk man I'm just bored.

2012-01-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

Day 1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?

Day 2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?

Day 3: A person who has impacted your life in some way last year.

Day 4: Something you’ve learned this year.

Day 5: Describe an adventure you had this year.

Day 6: Any words of wisdom/advice for anyone?

Day 7: 10 things you want to say 10 people.

Day 8: Things you hope for in 2012.

Day 9: What are you looking forward to in 2012?

Day 10: Anything you wish to say to end 2011/start 2012.

I'll start these soon but no promises that I'll do it consecutively...

Society.

2012-01-01T04:05:00.000-08:00

gay male: i'm gay
straight female: OMG UR GAY LET'S BE BFFS CAN WE GO SHOPPING TOGETHER OMG
gay female: i'm gay
straight female: EW GET AWAY FROM ME U DYKE DONT TOUCH ME GROSS LESBIAN GERMS
And let's not forget -
gay female: i'm gay
straight male: OMG SO HOT. DAMN. CAN I FUCK YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHILE SOMEONE FILMS IT. TOUCH HER BOOOBS. BOOOOOOOOBS.
gay male: i'm gay
straight male: HOLY SHIT IT'S A HOMO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME FUCKIN HOMO. BACKS AGAINST THE WALL GUYS.

Dear One Direction,

2011-12-31T05:37:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for this year. I know that I am just another fan, but you boys honestly have helped me shape my life. I have an incredibly low self confidence, and this year I have struggled really hard with staying happy. However, I found myself smiling constantly this year watching your interviews, talking to other directioners, listening to your music. Even if sometimes it was smiling while crying (moments always makes me cry), you guys have honestly made this year amazing.

I love you all, forever and always,

Qyira

Oh my..

2011-12-31T04:31:00.000-08:00

When I saw you, I was like "Mashallah!"
Then I wanted you and I was like "Inshallah!"
But then I paid closer attention and I was like "Bismillah!"
I got to know you and I was like "Astghfurallah!"
So since I left you I was like "ALHAMDULILAAH!"

Amalia told me this was dedicated to Jazlan.. HAHHA

I am embarrassed to say I still keep our convos. Maybe one day I'll delete them all.

Someday this pain will be useful.. maybe

2011-12-31T02:42:00.000-08:00

It's sad that everytime I want to blog the only topic I manage to blog about is about Jaz no matter how much I don't want to. For lawd's sake we weren't even really dating each other. Pretty much like what Aika says "You're not really dating, you just call each other boyf and girlf." So true but then why do I cling to the memory of him so much?

I think the reason for this is because I place too much hope on you, Jaz. I expected too much from that relationship (or if you can even call it that) I just guess I kinda hoped for once things would workout for me, but I should never have thought that. I trust people too much.. and I only get hurt in the end.

Hohoho so let's listen to another sob story of Qyira okay? Cause apparently that's all she seems to blog about anyway... okay change of topic. Now.

If you want to change something about yourself, why wait until the New Year? I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. A part of me still isn’t able to say my last goodbyes to 2011. There are still some pieces missing to the puzzle and I don’t understand how I can possibly move on with a sense of incompleteness left behind.

Jazlan, I don’t think I can stand seeing that you’re much happier without me, that I’m no longer the cause of your happiness. I miss you. A lot. But I can’t do anything about it because you’re happier now, with her. And I’m happy for you. :) There are days where I feel as if I’ve finally moved on and then there are days where I just completely break down. I want things to get better between us. I want us to stay friends at the very least. Anything that allows me to keep you in my life because of the huge impact you’ve made on my life. But I don’t think that’s possible, well not exactly at this moment. I guess I just need to stay away from you for awhile in order for me to move on. I can’t face you anytime soon because I know that once I do, the feelings that I have for you that remains within me will multiply and it’ll be that much harder for me to move on.

I remember whenever I asked you,
"Why would you fall for me? I'm messed up"
"It's simple. You make me happy"

I guess I just don't make you happy anymore eh?

Surveeeyyy!

2011-12-30T05:19:00.000-08:00

1. What I want to be?
Ultimately, a writer.

2. What I am wearing right now?
A green tee and sweatpants.

3. My last night out in detail?
Haha okay something actually happened last night? Well I met Firdaus and Ariff, cool guys :)

4. First thing you thought about this morning?
How hungry I was cause I didn't had dinner last night :(

5. One person from twitter i’d throw off a cliff, one i’d marry and one i’d fuck?
@JazlanAriff, HAHAHA , @Yasyassy because we are soulmates, @zaynmalik because he's fuckable

6. Have you ever wished on a shooting star?
I think so...

7. My longest relationship and who it was with?
Hahahaha Syukri, 1year7months.

8. What my last text message says?
"Qyira I miss you. Talk to me" - from Brian -____-"

9. What kind of person attracts you?
People who are non-hesistant, friendly, committed and tall. :p

10. Is it hard to make you laugh?
No, not really.

11. Do you act differently around the person you like?
Haha unfortunately yes

12. Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?
When was the last time I held hands with someone -_____- sadlyfe k

13. What’s stopping you from going for the person you like?
His girlfriend

14. Who would you like to see right now?
My friends from Malaysia

15. Are you missing someone?
Yes, very much.

16. What do you find attractive in boys/girls?
The way they speak.

17. Do you drink?
No. No alcholo 0:)

18. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you did?
Hahaha I guess so...

19. The one person who’s arms I’d like to be in?
Anyone who thinks they can handle me.. preferably J tho... pathetic but yeah.

20. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH no.

21. Have you done something you regretted very much?
Yeeeeeeezzaaaa

22. What was the last party I went, and when will the next be?
Last party? Lulong's.. next? Idk LOL

23. The last time I felt jealous, and why?
I feel jealous everyday when I see you two talk.

24. Last person you hugged?
Hmmmmmmm probably Hala

25. Your last kiss?
HAHAHAHAHAHAH nocomment

26. What you wear to bed?
From nothing to anything and maybe everything

27. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is?
It's sad , and only because I miss being in a HAPPY relationship

28. Picture of yourself?

29. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?
Yes.

30. The reason behind your last break up?
I still don't exactly know the reason why. He got bored of me I guess

31. The last compliment that you’ve received?
I don't remember. hahaha sadlyfe2keleven

32. My favourite actors/actresses?
James Franco, Adam Brody, Rachel Bilson, and Lisa Surihani

33. Celebrity crush?
Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan.

34. My favorite book?
Only one? Haha I can't do with just ONE. I'll just say the works of Suzanne Collins, Jeffery Archer, and JK Rowling.

35. A famous person I’ve been compared to?
HAHAHA I remember pulling my tennis skirt once during training and everyone said it was so like Nadal. LOL

36. The best thing that has happened to me this week?
Shopping in Dubai!

37. Do you believe in abortion?
I believe in giving everyone a chance to live their life however they choose to.

38. What my last text message says:
ERRRR I already answered this.....

39. Something i’m currently worrying about.
College apps

New Year's Challenge

2011-12-30T03:09:00.000-08:00

1. Five things you have accomplished in 2011

Getting on to Honor Roll, twice :)
Wrote a sonnet entirely on my own! (I love writing but I'm stupid with poems.)
Made up with my ex-best friend
Turning away from life's vices.
Stay alive. I'm not gonna lie, suicidal thoughts occasionally enters my mind.

2. Four things you regret about 2011

Not working harder on college apps
Placing my happiness on someone I shouldn't.
Not being the first to make up with my ex-best friend. (He started speaking to me first)
Allowing people's words to get to me easily. I shouldn't be that vulnerable, that insecure.

3. Three people who you are glad to have met or become closer to in 2011 oh this one is so easy. in no particular order whatsoever…

Yasmeen - I've only met this girl in recent months however she's one of the most amazing person I know. She's strong when met with obstacles, and she loves One Direction, so need I say more? o:)
Amalia - Another strong girl I met, didn't expect to like her when I met her, but she's definitely one of the closest friend I have in Saudi. She was the one that helped me the most during my break up with Jazlan.. I love you Emiilyaa :*
Hala, I love this girl! She's one of the most straightforward person i've met. She never hesitates to speak her mind, she's so nice that she can never manage to say a bad thing about anyone. Trust me, when I unloaded about Jazlan to her all she could manage was "Well he's the one who lost!" , while Amalia was cussing away at him. I love her, I love her. Hala Itani, you're the best!

4. Two memorable moments from 2011

My last day in St Columba, when Zul came to talk to me and said "I miss our friendship lah kecik.. I'm sorry for everything in the past. I miss you." Okay I admit, I cried buckets. Haha *angkat bendera putih
Atv-ing in Riyadh. It was with Jazlan at that time... But anyway I had a crush on him at that time so it was a happy memory. To feel the rush of wind in my face when I was ATV-ing in the middle of the desert was exhilarating. The adrenaline kicked in and I felt like flying over the sands. And having my crush doing the same thing next to me felt amazing too.

5. One wish for 2012

This year is gonna include so much change. And while I accept that, I just wish that no matter what happens, I won’t drift from my friends or family. I just want everyone to stay close. And I want the summer to be filled with a bunch of awesome memories that will carry us through the times we’re apart. In 2012… I just wish for something to stay constant in the midst of everything that changes. Also, I'd love to meet One Direction :)

Dear New Year,

Let me be a better person. Let me experience life changing things. Let me see beautiful things. Let me learn a whole lot. Let me laugh. Let me cry. Let me be happy. Let me succeed. Let me live life. Let me be strong. Let me be wise. Let me be smart. Let me keep my friends. Let me make new ones. Let me love. Let me be loved. Let me move on. Let me be free. Let me hear what I want to hear. Let me see what I need to see. Let me say what I want to say. Let me keep my promises. Let me learn from my past mistakes. Let me remind myself what is good. Let me remind myself what is bad. Let me enjoy myself. Let me have wonderful memories. Let me be at peace. Let me have what I need. Let me gain what I deserve. Let me be independent. Let me be hardworking. Let me be devoted. Let me stay true. Let me be understanding. Let me be rid of my bad habits. Let me be new and fresh. Please and thank you.

One Direction Poem

2011-12-30T00:22:00.000-08:00

From video diaries to sold out tours the boys didn’t understand
Why did people love them, they were just a band
But I’m here to tell you boys, that, no, your much more than that
You’re wonderful people, talented ones at that
You bring smiles to our faces when you find success
Because you deserve everything you have, everything and no less
There’s Niall he’s Irish and blonde and has the cutest smile I know
He sure loves his food like chicken from Nando’s
He’s a sweetheart and enjoys his life each day
We like it when you smile so keep it that way
Your laughter’s infectious and we love to hear it
Because your attitude on life has given me spirit
I’ll continue to remember that life is full of happiness
Doesn’t do well to dwell on the hard things and sadness
The next boy is Zayn Malik he’s almost nineteen
He can stand out in a performance, every frame every scene
His words are truly inspirational and have affected me
He always has a smile and it he lives life beautifully
He may be quiet but he makes us laugh out loud
Like when he says vas happenin and him and boys mess around
He may be vain and a slight poser but he does this because he know
That no matter what he does, his personality shines and shows
Now Liam he’s one in a million really one of a kind
Daddy Direction that’s how he is in my mind
He’s mature and wise and always knows what to say
Even if his spelling doesn’t make it seem that way
His turtles are dead and Niall never came over
But who cares when you can have Danielle come over?
Other than that Liam is one hell of a guy
He knows what’s best for them and tends to be shy
But he’s the one in the band, that one person
That’ll always looks up even when the odds have worsened
Forever young as he’s known and how we’ll remember
Louis Tomlinson, that’s the fourth member
He may be the oldest but he knows how to make us smile
He makes us laugh and just stay happy for a while
No Jimmy protested and his love for carrots
What kinda genes did that boy inherit
He’s perfect in every way, he’s funny and kind
He never seems to not speak his mind
This is what we love and hope never to lose
Because you’re the only one you’re the only Lou
Last but not least is that curly haired kid the one named Harry
When I think about him is when I begin to worry
I feel like he doesn’t see his talent and just needs to realize
That his wonderful as he is, he’s perfect in our eyes
He has a talent worth hearing one to die for
But his talent’s on stage, on stage on their tour
He has jokes to show his humor and his smile
He’s special he’s the harry styles
Harry always tries to be smiling when the day is done
He likes his cats is a flirt and known as the cheeky one
Despite these facts there is one thing I have come to know
That these boys are individuals more than a band more than a music show
They’re 5 separate people, 5 people doing what they love
They’re different than most I can’t say that enough
I’ve gone on for a long time but I just want to express
That I wish these boys success and nothing but happiness
I guess all I want to say all I want them to hear
Is that they made a difference in my life in my year

So he came.. and went

2011-12-29T11:49:00.000-08:00

I just don't know what to think of you anymore. You're not at all that strong person I used to know. You're a heartbreaker.

Just now your dad drove up to my house with you and your friends inside cause Daus wanted to get something from me, even Ariff came down to at least say hi even though he didn't need to, and you? You didn't even come down to say hello. I couldn't see your face through the dark windows but if I really could meet you, I just wanna tell you that I don't care anymore. What you do still affects me, whenever I see you talking to your new girlfriend but... It's not a choice anymore.

I don't have a choice, I'm forced to move on, I can't keep living in the past. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't let myself soar so far in the future with my imagination when I'm in a relationship. Because I did that with you, and that stings the most. Knowing I was being letdown and having you break all your promises to me, promises that I built my hopes on, and that hurt. That hurt a lot.

"When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or a picture falls off the wall, it makes noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there's a noise it's internal. It screams so loudly your ears ring and your head aches. But that's the thing about love; no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it's silent, you're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

-If You Could See Me Now, Cecilia Ahern"

Proud Directioner

2011-12-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

Infant, you illuminate my planet like none other, the way in which you tousle your locks does in fact fluster me, when you turn your lips upward in the general direction that is down, it is simple to identify that you are unaware that you are striking in appearance, that is what makes you striking in appearance.

Don't fucking give me hate

2011-12-21T11:42:00.000-08:00

you: omfg he's so hot ugh
random fucker: ew who's that they're ugly
you: what
you: what did you say
you: do you want to die
you: they are perfect in every single way sit your ass down so i can list every single reason because you will love them whether you want to or not

Being a senior

2011-12-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

Within the next 6 months, graduation will be around.

We’ll all look back on the memories of elementary, middle school, and high school. All the time we spent fighting over projects and bad grades, and over best friends and enemies, it will only remain a memory. All the time we spent laughing at lunch tables, swimming , dodgeball, partying with friends, and being together in general, it will be in the past. All that was will no longer be.

Frankly, I’m terrified to walk down the isle, hold that diploma in my hand, smile for the picture, throw my cap in the air, and walk the final steps through the halls of my high school.

IPS Seniors... ♥

I love all of you <3

One Direction appreciation post.

2011-12-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

The boys answer a question on a radio station in Runcorn

Lauren (fan): My question was, what makes YOU beautiful? *points around to the boys*

Everyone: Ooooh

Niall (talking about Louis): Alright, umm. What makes Louis beautiful? Oh, that quirky out-there personality. And that defined jawline and that quirky fringe. *laughs*

Zayn (talking about Harry): Harrys… curly hair and his amazing smile. And his gorgeous, gorgeous green eyes. *everyone laughs*

Harry (whispers): Thanks Zayn.

Zayn (whispers): I, I love you.

Harry (talking about Liam): Uuuhm, I think what makes Liam beautiful is his eyebrows. And his nose.

Liam: Harrys got a weird fetish.

Liam (talking about Niall): Umm, I think, what makes Niall beautiful, is his nice blonde hair, his Irish accent, and his carefree personality.

Niall: Yes! Liam. Good answer!

Louis (talking about Zayn): I think what makes Zayn such a beautiful creature is his lush eyelashes, his amazing cheekbones, and of course, his minty, spearmint breath. *everyone laughs*

know everyone hates it, but I think Zayn smoking is pretty fucking hot.

I choose them, ONE DIRECTION to be my favorite band because I fucking can.

Because I love when people don’t know them and ask me who are they, and I reply my boyfriends. Because I love how they make me feel beautiful. Because I never ever loved a band, nor a singer like this. Because I love every-single-fucking-thing about them. Because they make me laugh every time they do something stupid. Because they put a smile on my face. Because I stay up all night just listening to their songs. Because I get more excited for Lou’s birthday then I get for mine. Because they got that one thing. Because I don’t fell like shit when I listen to their songs. Because I love how they make everything cute. Because of the bromance they have. Because I eat carrots now. Because Zayn is vain. Because Liam is afraid of spoons. Because Harry loves cats. Because of Nialls passion for food. Because Lou loves carrots. Because of everything. BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE THEM. And yes they are gay, they’re going to marry each other and live happily ever after. But please, I beg of you, bring me any holy book that says that men should not love men, or woman should not love woman. You can love who the fuck you want to, and no body, I repeat no-fucking-body can tell you that’s not OK. And if that is a sin, loving who you want, then we’re all going to rot in hell, and so will you.

Hai I guess I'm not ready

2011-12-18T06:43:00.000-08:00

Let’s be honest. If you came back into my life, I would take you back in a heartbeat. I miss everything about you. you’ll always be the one that I’ll never get over.

I get really tired of missing you, I’ll just sit here for hours replaying what went wrong if i did something if maybe i could have been better. I don’t try to dwell on the past but for some reason you were the hardest one to let go. But then I’ll wipe away the tears and just hope that you never hurt like this. Hope that she treats you better then I did, hope that every time i shed a tear that it’ll create an ocean to separate me from you.

I know it’s silly and that missing you this much is foolish but…i just can’t help it. It’s funny my friends hated you, hated everything about you the way you looked, walked, talked they said i was too good for you and yeah they were right but i didn’t listen and instead i let you break my heart.

Hopefully one day i’ll find someone better then you, someone that makes me never have to think of you again. But until that day I’ll keep secretly missing you.

He moved on.

Actually, it didn’t mean so much to him, so he didn’t exactly ‘moved on’; he just stood right where he has always been and better things came around him. Better than me of course, and suddenly the little hole I left on him when I stepped away was filled and in the best way. And believe me, the worst feeling in the world is being forgotten, especially by the ones you love; because it means they didn’t love you that much to maybe continue fighting or they didn’t knew you well and thought you were going to do something about it; but you and that person have pride: it makes you lose friends, loving people and makes your world fall appart; yet, you can lose it. You won’t talk to him, neither will him, and your life will be wondered with lots of ‘what if?’s. Believe me, in a summary of all of this is: the worst feeling in the world is when you’re forgotten by someone you love for someone better and do nothing about it because you need to keep your pride.

I remember...

2011-12-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

Me: Is this going to work? Us?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: How can you say you don’t know? Isn’t this relationship worth fighting for?
Him: I don’t know!
Me: That hurts. You don’t know. You always say you don’t know.

So I’m letting go. I don’t deserve that answer. I’m not going to be the only one fighting for it.

Relationships meet halfway. Not only one going all the way.

I can do this.

2011-12-15T23:56:00.000-08:00

After he broke my heart, I cried and I screamed and I acted pathetic.

I skipped out on showers and I stayed in bed for days. I had pity parties.

I pushed everyone away.

I cried in bed, I cried in the shower, I cried in my sleep. I let my heart feel the pain.

I let the pain throb and pulse through my body.

I blamed him. I blamed myself. I blamed the world.

I told myself that I should have done something to stop him.

I pretended that I was getting better, only to relapse.

I attempted to completely remove him from my life, and then I would attempt to bring him back into my life.

I couldn’t bear being around anyone or anything, because everything reminded me of him.

I had good days, but mostly bad days. I distracted myself sometimes, but I was usually comfortable with my misery.

I wanted him back even though I knew it was unrealistic.

I waited until one day the sun shined a little differently.

One day I caught myself laughing genuinely, and things seemed okay.

I went out with my friends and my family again.

I still have those Saturday nights where I’ll cry my eyes out and wonder if you’ll ever come back to me. Usually that feeling doesn’t last.

I wake up on Sunday and feel alright again.

Because of him, I realized that true happiness takes strength.

I have these moments when I feel liberated and all “I don’t need you! HAH!” and then I have those moments where I really miss you. I wish my mind would just get over it already.

I have a habit of falling too hard and falling too fast, and getting my hopes up for something that won't last.

I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.

2011-12-11T01:01:00.000-08:00

Its like you're screaming, and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when its over and its gone you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so that you can have the good.

There are times when no matter how much we show our love and give so much of ourselves to someone, we still cannot find enough reason why he or she doesn’t seem to care about us. He must have loved you at the beginning, but when he began to weigh your differences he realized that you were probably not the kind of person he’d be compatible with, and one he’d want to spend the rest of his life with.

He can only love you if you become the person he wants you to be. And you cannot be that person. You shouldn’t even be that person. You are who you are and you should be loved not for what someone wants you to be but for who you truly are.

Wish him well and move on with you life. Let your bittersweet memories remind you of how much you have loved, but let it also remind you how much more beautiful it would be if that love is shared with someone who will accept you for who you are, and love you not for what you can become but what he or she becomes because of you.

Jazlan Ariff, I hope that every time you walk past me your stomach drops and you feel like you’ve just taken a hit to the gut. I hope just seeing my face makes you uneasy.

The worst feeling in the world when your ex tells you that it’s best to never talk again. Ok bye.

One Direction do their bit to help sick kids

2011-12-10T12:36:00.000-08:00

Yet another reason to love these boys…

Not content with being stupidly good looking and talented, One Direction are also bonafide nice people.

The boys have become ambassadors for children’s charity, Rays of Sunshine. The charity grants wishes for children in the UK who are seriously ill, making it possible for them to meet their idols.

CEO Jane Sharpe said: “One Direction have been fantastic and have showed genuine sensitivity to the children we have introduced them to. We know the boys are going to be a huge success and feel privileged to be working with them, to fulfil the wishes of seriously ill children across the country.”

Look ! Just LOOK!!! :*

Finalising?

2011-12-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

Dear You,

The words exchanged don’t mean anything to me now. It’s all lost in some forgotten point in time—perfect proof that whatever that was was petty. I don’t think we can go back, though. And now that we are who we are, I don’t know that I would. Maybe when I’m browsing your pictures, I’ll pine for a time where I was a part of it all. The want for then is so easily confused with a desire for now. But no matter where we stand, I will never, ever deny your role in my life.

Even with our inevitable separation, I still want so much for us. I want us to be secure in our decision—I walked away with my head high, not regretting what we were. I want you to be feeling the same, but I understand if that’s a lot to ask.

What’s more is that I want the absolute best for you. I still stretch a smile too wide when I see you smile. I still get that weird rush knowing that you’re thriving—whether I contributed to it or not.

The words once exchanged don’t mean anything to me now. What matters is this: we were beautiful, once. You are beautiful now.

And I wish you the best of luck.

ForeverYours,

Qyira

There comes that moment in life when you just have to stop trying to show someone you care because you're just going to get hurt. Rejection is always it's harshest when it comes from the one you love.

It sucks, but its the truth

I have come to the conclusion that..

2011-12-09T10:35:00.000-08:00

YOU LAYKE ME CAP?!?!

ME LOIKE IT :p

I have written about you, too much maybe. I have pages and pages filled with ink about me, about us (or what used to be) and my imagination. I honestly have a vivid imagination and I'm not afraid to admit that. But the thing that really stings me is your indifference, your cold shoulder. I came this close spilling everything to dad today,

"I heard Jazlan bla bla bla"
"Oh okay......"
"Kenapa ni? Bukan korang kawan ker?"
"Ha'ah kawan laaaa..."
"Habis tu? Apasal you ni?"
"Haish babah nothing lar, I wanna go study now bye!"
"Ceh... teenagers..."

Yes dad, I'm a teenager. I fall in love, and I fall hard. Were you like this? Did you had heartbreaks of this kind?

How do you see someone you've had a history of love with as "just a friend"?

I just need a shoulder to cry on. I have been having crying sessions but it's always alone and I need a friend.

“

If you fail, you get a couple days to wallow in your grief, and a couple days to think about if you really want it.

And then you pick up, and move. You go back and try again, or you move on.

”

So I will pick up and move on. I don't have a choice. He's with Dania and he's happy and I'm happy for her, maybe she can make him happy and maybe I didn't. Maybe I will never know the actual reason why he'd break up with me, and maybe he never will tell. But I know for one thing, I can move on because I have the strength to. I have so many more things in life to look forward to allow this to be my obstacle. This is a promise made, to myself.

xx

Lol this picture kinda reflects our last few convos exactly.

Zayid~

2011-12-09T06:59:00.000-08:00

Mr Handsome leh :) Hahaha

I'm in my own world, sometimes.

2011-12-09T02:47:00.000-08:00

Robert Pattinson:

“If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.”

there's nothing like getting lost in a book.

Honestly, nothing. I can be whoever I want, I could be the princess, I could be the evil villain, I could be the king, or I could be the heartbreaker.. I have the power, I have control, I have a whole army to back me up, or a soulmate that believes and loves me for who I am. It's an escape from reality and I love it. Boys complain that all the men in my novels are too perfect, no boy is like that, maybe they're true but that doesn't give them the right to be a jerk. Anyway, reading gives me an escape, none registers in my mind when I'm reading, the world could've end and I wouldn't know it if I'm in a really good book. I literally will be 'out of this world'. So many friends and boyfriends and even my family complain I read too much that I don't give attention to them, and a few even had the guts to tell me to stop reading and get a life. Not to be rude... but when I start socialising, I meet more people, when I meet more people, I know a lot more problems and drama that I truly have no interest in at all. About 80% of the people in my life is so horribly materialistic and awfully shallow, talking to them gives me nothing but boredom and at the end of the day I feel like I have done nothing productive and the only thing I'd learn is probably some 'bitch' is backstabbing another person..... If this is the kind of life you 'friends' are telling me to get, I'd rather stick to reading my books.

Books will never break my heart, books will never let me down, books will never turn around and betray me, no. Books will be my perfect companion that is non-human. To find a boy who understands where I'm coming from is rare, especially when society is pressuring them to 'man-up' and show their masculinity but I believe a boy is sexiest when he is smart and he knows it. By that I mean confidence, because I absolutely cannot stand boys who are so cocky and over-confident about themselves, frankly it disgusts me and makes me wanna just give him a slap. So if any boys out there, who loves reading passionately, let's be friends, and let me clarify, I am not looking for a boyfriend, just a friend who shares my love for reading and/or writing ........ basically just gets me. I'm tired of being friends with shallow people, boys and girls. It's getting me nowhere in life except further disappointments.

A Day To Remember

2011-12-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

I’m a mess, that’s the best to describe it.

Having no time to myself’s the only way I can fight it.

When I’m alone, it’s like I’m staring into a mirror.

I miss your family and I miss all our friends.

If you had it to do over would you do it over again, Cause I would, this meant something more to me. There’s a hole in my heart where you used to be.

I still wish you the best of luck, baby

And don’t go thinking this was a waste of time I couldn’t forget you if I tried

‎I tried to make us a life here, but our foundation was built on sand.

Now stop and run until the damage was done.

And I’ve never had the upper hand.

All the things you love are all the things I hate.

How did we get here in the first place?

Omg these lines perfectly describes me. HAHA A DAY TO REMEMBER I LOVE YOU ♥

When you’re gone it’s like a whole part of me is missing.
So I’ll keep living the lie and just hope that you’re listening.

Amor: una palabra de cuatro letras, dos consonantes, dos vocales, y dos idiotas.

2011-12-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

Depressed again tonight... why why why why why why? Haih I hate it when I have a good day and I go home I realise that I'm lifeless.. I'm crazy and nuts in school, in fact I don't act different around the people in school because I can't act myself around them. I love my friends in Saudi I honestly do, but I just can't cry in front of them over petty problems like that.
I need Lulong.
I need Yassy.
I need Desmond.

I have my best friends, my babes, but I need these certain few people to talk to about my love life. I don't know.. I have many best friends but I feel as if they understand me the most and I really need them at this point of my life.

Texting, Whatsapping is not enough. Not even skype sometimes. I need Lulong and Yas to tell me it's okay, that he's not worth it to cry over on. I need Desmond to tell me I'm an amazing girl, and the boy who dumped me was a fool and doesn't deserve me. I need them!

Life is hard.

We all know this, we experience it daily, and sometimes we drown in how complicated everything is. We struggle every hour to find a bit of happiness and when we have it we take a deep breath and thank God for that one moment of pure bliss.

I honestly loved you from the very beginning, and sadly, love you maybe still. I don't want this trust me, and I know you're probably tired of me pining after you and oh hell, you don't even read my blog anyway you'd probably be busy with Dania. Just seeing both of you's wallposts on my newsfeed on facebook and your twitter display picture makes me cry. Every time you're online I hover my mouse over your name reflexively but then I wake up and realize I can't do that anymore. Every time I clear my messaging inbox I am always wanting to erase all your messages but just can't bring myself to press the 'delete' button.

Arel :')

I'm telling everyone I've moved on. But I think everyone knows I'm lying.

My guilty pleasure.

2011-12-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

Dear One Direction,

I still love you even if you are cheating on me and pretending that you don’t know I exist while you go out with those beautiful girlfriends of yours. :)

A lot of people say they're gay and whatever but to me, they're just boys who are trying their best to live up their dream to sing.

The Dali Lama's 18 Rules for living :)

2011-12-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Follow the three Rs:
1. Respect for self
2. Respect for others
3. Responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the earth.
Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Heh, i really love them :)

I deserve so much better.

2011-12-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

isn’t it sad how it if you love someone and they leave you, you still want them to be happy doing whatever it is they need to do even though it is without out you and your heart is ripping to pieces because all you want is a hello or a smile but you can’t have that and you can’t really ask for it either..

BUT,

“You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on”

- Oprah Winfey

It would be nice to think that you might think about me from time to time, but I have to face the fact and accept that you don’t. When I’ve been at my worst and tried to reach out to you, you kept me out, and as far away from you as possible.

I never thought that you could just completely turn your back on me. At the same time, I often find myself asking, Why are you so surprised?

Coward. That’s the word that I constantly have repeated in my head. If you couldn’t deal with me, then fine, tell it to my face. You should have shattered that last hope I had right then and there, and then walked away. Instead of leaving me to think anything else. Maybe you didn’t want to watch me cry, but if you knew how much I’ve cried and how much I’ve hurt on my own out of your sight, then maybe you would regret your decision. But then again, who says you’ve ever even thought about me at all, or how I feel.

Coward. You just shut down. I’m sorry that you did, but where is your strength? Were you already broken while I was with you? How could you just not try. I would have fought for you if it was the other way around, hell I’m still fighting for you and I should just give up. I know I should but I think a part of me never will. I’m still always going to hold on, because that one day when you do come around and you want to just talk, I won’t hold anything against you. I’ll let it all go. I’d do it because I love you.

If you ever loved me at all, you would do the same. Shit happens. It’s fighting through it together, that will ultimately make you stronger in the end. Who are you? What happened to the guy I fell for...

I don't deserve you. I deserve so much better.

Thus it begins

2011-12-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

So today in class we're supposed to write about a sonnet, and Ms Libby told us to write down whats the most emotional thing that had occurred to us in the last few weeks and I wrote just one word. Your name. Your name, and whatever it symbolizes, turned my world upside down. I felt the highest and the lowest with you. I felt loved and abandoned with you. I felt hope, and I saw it being crushed down. However, you taught me a lesson, I learned not to fall to fast, I learned not to put all out in a relationship, to not put up expectations that are too high, or at all even.

“Without forgiveness there is no future.”

This is so true! So today, in English class, I made up my mind. I have to move on, I have to look forward into the future, I have to forget what we had and learned to toughen up for future relationships. I still believe in love thus, I forgive you. Therefore, I will begin, as what everyone say 'move on' << Weh macam buat scientific hypothesis lah pulak! LOL If you want to speak honestly though... I want to cut you out of my life completely… I want it to be as if you were never here. But I know that, is physically impossible. No one can leave your heart, or your mind just like that. So you'll always be that sore spot, that niggling memory at the back of my mind.

I think about you everyday, but not in the “I miss you way” It’s more like the “I hate you and everything you did to me just makes me want to move on that much faster and live that much better of a life than you” kinda way… (:

To be honest, I’m very content with how my life is going, at this very moment. I know now, that I do have people that love me, and care about me. I’m a strong person, as well as good. Everybody makes mistakes, and if people can’t accept the way I am along with all my flaws and errors, then they don’t deserve to be in my life anyways. From now on, I’m going to just pretend the people who don’t like me, don’t exist. Of course, I’ll always have memories of the good times we did share, but it’s about time to move on and the fact of the matter is, people change. New faces, new experiences, new interests come into play, and all of this will become a thing of the past. Thanks for giving me all that you did, when we were important to each other. That’s something I’ll always cherish. Although, I’ll probably vaguely remember you 4 years from now, I’ll never forget this whole experience with you. ♥

Goodbye, I hope you have a nice life. :)

The best revenge we can do is to smile at them and show them that they didn’t hurt us that bad. :)

I wish that I could warn the other girls.

2011-12-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

He seems so sweet at first. So innocent and awkward. I thought he was that was for years. But it’s not so. He lead me on and made me feel, if only briefly, that I was important to him. But I wasn’t. He sucked the life out of me during the time we were together. He broke my heart. I was his friend. And he betrayed every little bit of me. But I loved him. I truly did. I fell in love with him long before we were together, and maybe that’s part of what went wrong. But I don’t blame myself for us not working. It was his fault. He ignored me. He pushed me away. He broke my heart. And I will never, ever be the same person. I’m a strong woman and I’ll survive and be a lot better because of this. But it’s been over a month now and he still has this power over me. I still get jealous of the other girls. I still think about him daily and talk about him whenever I’m sad. I still miss him. I push other people away, partly because of him. I can’t believe how he doesn’t even care at all. I never want to be in a relationship with anyone again. I’ve been mostly happy lately, but I don’t know how real it is. I have amazing friends. But how long can any of it last? I just… I loathe him for this. I loathe him for giving me up; for throwing me away. I don’t understand it. I believed in us. We seemed to be so perfect. And he won’t be happy with her either. They’ll hang out for awhile. Then he’ll mess her up and after that, he’ll tell her he’s not ready to be in a relationship. He thought he was but it turns out, once again, he’s not. He’ll ruin another pretty girl. And he isn’t even worth it. One more girl turned to feel like she’s worthless. You ruined me. I was perfect. I was beautiful. And I’m not anymore. I’ll never have that beauty about me ever again and I will always resent you for taking it from me.

Now that I’m good and out of it, I feel normalish. Not happy, not depressed.

Just numbing the pain.

Being strong is not an option, but a requirement.

2011-11-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

Not a clean break, not to me anyway. Ignore me.

And as much as I try to pretend like I’m okay and I don’t care, on the inside it’s killing me - to see you with her, to see you with someone else.

There’s nothing worse than falling in love with someone who does something to make you feel special—as if you’re the only one in the world—only to find that they do or say it to every other guy/girl. If you know where I’m coming from, then you’d understand when I tell you the only person you should be flirting with is someone you ultimately intend to have as a spouse… not the entire world population.

Why she wanted it so much she could not say. She only knew that she wanted it because she could not find it. Because she could not have it, she wanted it that much more.

I'd do anything just to hear you say "I love you" one last time. It's hard for me to accept the fact that we're growing apart because all I ever wanted was for us to grow old together.

“Your heart just breaks, that’s all. But you can’t judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you”

—	Audrey Hepburn

knods head

2011-11-29T06:12:00.000-08:00

So I learnt to not give a fuck to people hating on me, you can be a success in life but when you say you hating on me, I know you're jealous :)

Adios

Life's a fucking tv show

2011-11-28T05:56:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was 'with' you, drama started. It's better if I stayed single or as I call it 'lifeless' while I'm finishing my high school. I'm too tired to be bothered with all the drama that surrounds me, surrounds you, surrounds us.

Dear ex girlfriend of Jazlan, kalau kau nak bash aku dalam blog kau, letak lah nama aku okay? And I didn't fucking ruin your relationship with Jaz, you did that all on your own, thank you very much. By the way, whats it to you if when I was dating Jazlan, I became friends with his friends? I don't think that will make him love me more because anyway, THEY ADDED ME FIRST....... ok kid? Lagipun, takkan lah aku tak boleh buat kawan -____-" Common sense lah, don't be so ridiculous.. Besides, I knew people like Firdaus and Nerisha way before I was dating Jazlan, when YOU were dating him, remember girl? Haih don't be so childish boleh tak? His friends added me on Facebook when they saw we were together so then we became friends, haih and thanks to you now I know who to trust and who to lose my respect towards to :) Thanks for the info kid. I'm labeling you a kid, because you're acting like one and if you wanna label me a bitch go ahead *oh wait you already did.......* but I don't see me acting like one so okay...... Janji kau bahagia lah kid.

"just because shes ur new girl doesnt mean she have to know all of ur ffriends..she dont even know them and probably would never ever c them..what the hell lah kan..mule2 punyer lah x add anyone and now..shes adding almost everyone..its fucking annoying.."

First of all, k, belajar type betul betul.

Second of all, I don't know them? THAT'S THE POINT OF BEING FRIENDS KID, YOU GET TO KNOW SOMEONE omg how stupid can you be?

Seriously at this point of reading your blog, I don't know whether I should be angry or laugh my ass off.

So I did both.

NOVEMBER BABY

2011-11-25T04:33:00.000-08:00

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

huh.

Do you know how hard it is too just... let go?

2011-11-24T00:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Future Boyfriend,

You should know that I’m difficult and moody and sometimes hard to deal with. But I’ll try my best to make you happy. And I hope that’s enough for you.

Love, Qyira.

You’re kind of indignant because fuck, you didn’t ask for this; you weren’t even looking for this, not even peripherally. You swore to yourself long time ago that you’d be responsible and play it safe, that you’d never want something you weren’t sure you could have; that you’d never have anything you couldn’t stand to lose. That plan had worked well; you never had a relationship to weigh you down or a broken heart to nurse, until recently that is.

It's 2 more days to my birthday and fuck I'm depressed as shit. I sit there and think to myself, 'fuck I don't want to be seventeen I want to be seven okay.' I really truly miss my childhood, where being friends with boys means not getting your heart broken, means not having to worry if they're gonna dump you anytime when they find something new to play with. No insecurities, no expectations of having to look pretty. I miss rolling down the huge hill in the playground behind my old house with my best friend when I was a kid, Madhi. He's in Terengganu now, I wonder how's he doing? Haven't met him in almost 7 years now.. :\ I wonder if he's experience the things I experience. We used to be such kids, everyday playing badminton, cycling around the neighborhood, buying MatKool ice creams, going to his house to eat Kedah's food, to my house for Chinese food, and then studying together while my mum's cooking in the kitchen. We were so happy and I wish I could just go back and relive those days, where the only reason for me crying would be because I scraped my knee when I fell off my bike.

Nowadays I'm crying over something that.... I don't even know why. It's stupid to think that I actually might mean something to you. You say 'Any guy who got you would be so lucky, you're so amazing.' So why weren't you? Am I not amazing enough for you? Is that why you left? I’m breaking my own heart by missing you, when I know you don’t miss me.

Dad just asked me "You're turning 17.. what do you want in life?" I just wanna tell him that I wanna be a kid again, where I can tell him everything, where he can just comfort me by buying me a storybook and I'll be happy. I can't unload my problems to people who are close to me because even though they're my family I just can't bring myself to tell them my problems. I'm rambling now I know but I'm so close to tears right now I just...

Funniest thing.....

2011-11-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

You were all I could think about today.
I found myself constantly day dreaming about scenarios of what ‘could happen’.

In some I told you I hated you and never wanted to see you again whereas in others I told you I was still in love with you and miss you.
Hell in one I played hard to get and made you beg for me back.

But do you know what they all have in common?
You finding me and telling me you need me, and that I’m the only girl for you.

Why do we let ourselves live in denial.
He’s never coming back so why do I have to still think of it.
Why can’t these daydreams stop and give me peace?

Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though it's breaking.

2011-11-23T12:06:00.000-08:00

I love him. I hate him. I miss him. I'm appalled by his actions. I'm in love with our past. I can't handle the memories. I can't deal with knowing he doesn't even care anymore, that he just walked away so easily and I'm left in ruins.

I'm telling my story about my latest failure in my pathetic love life to Hala and she goes like, "Why do you wanna break your heart again and again over the same person? You'll find someone better I'm sure. You're amazing Qyira." "But what if I don't want someone better? What if that 'someone better' was him?" "If he was the 'someone better' he won't take you for granted."

And I guess... I don't know. :( Did loving you spoil my chances of loving another possible forever? My heart is breaking. To the point where I could barely function in a normal world anymore. My head is forever in a daydream. Over him. Was he really this blind? Or did he just not feel anything in return and was trying to distance himself to try and not make me hurt any further....

As time goes by everyday I still think about you about the great memories we shared that I know I'll never forget i think about how much I wish things were different now. I always wish you a bright future because no matter what I'll still always love you.

“Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I’ve felt, letting go is the most painful yet.”

—

Anonymous

Harimau Malaya, you guys did amazing.

2011-11-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

I have never been proud of my country in my life, ever. The spirit of Malaysians united together to support our country was amazing. It didn't matter if you were a Manchester United fan, Liverpool, Chelsea, Barcelona, Real Madrid, when it comes to a Harimau Malaya match, WE ROAR.

Truly a splendid match tonight, amazing game from both sides. There were some Malaysian-hate from CERTAIN Indonesians and that cause some unhappiness from BOTH countries I'm sure, but the game's over now so let's just shake hands and be buddies again, boleh? :)

MALAYSIA SENTIASA BOLEH!

Why not?

2011-11-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

A scar?
none that's significant
Age?
17 in 9 days
How are you feeling?
Honestly? Numb
What did you do last night?

Cried myself to sleep
The last person to hug you?
Hala Itani
Favourite word?

"wadehe!"
Opinion on homosexuality?

People should have the choice to do what they want
What did you do last weekend?

Catching up on my assignments
Three most important things in your life?
Things? Hmm my laptop, my tennis racket and probably my sweater.
Last time you cried?
Last night
The last text you received?
"Saya suspicious lah hmm :\ saya tengah frust ni ;( awak tengah on ke? Sy nak keluar kejap nak beli makanan then balik nanti kita chat eh kalau boleh"
What makes you feel better when you’re upset?

Playing tennis under the hot sun

What you look for in a guy/girl?

If you can make me laugh in the between my tears, I'm yours.

What are you worried about at the moment?
The future and everything else
What did you have for breakfast?

Indomie ;( LOL

Ever had your heart broken?

Yes.
Countries you’ve been?

Chronologically? Hong Kong, Australia, Singapore, Brunei, Thailand, Indonesia, United Arab Emirates, Oman & Saudi Arabia
Last person you texted?
Firdaus
Dumbest thing you have ever done?
Yeah like I'd put this on the internet -.-' not that dumb :)
Opinion on drugs/alcohol?
If you're not high/drunk on me, I don't care what you do with it.
Last person to kiss you?
Don't kiss and tell.
Ever dated someone younger than you?
Hmmmmmmm nope.
Last person you saw?
Me familie
Do you love anyone?
Yes
Who is your best friend?
Lulong & Desmond
Three people on tumblr you would like to meet?
Alyaae, Miyyo & Mikhail
Where you live, and what you like/dislike about it?
Saudi Arabia. I like that it's an Islamic country and it's easier to practise my religion here, however I dislike it in so many other ways as well and mentioning it would take a whole other blog posts.
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

Probably about... 4?
The person you like?

Jazlan Ariff
Your opinion on dating your ex.
I'd keep this blank.
Ever kissed a stranger?
Once a friend now a stranger? Yes.
What you want to do with your future?

Making a difference, making an impact in the world, or at least my country
Are you happy?

I'm grateful of what I have, but I can't say I'm truly happy atm
Ever been in love?
Yes, I have.
The meaning behind your url.

Now this is a funny story! The word 'nibbleharr' was my friend Muzzafar's MSN name back in 2008, he just made it randomly cause he's a funny guy and he's great to be around with. So me and him would always go 'Nibbleharr!!" at each other all the time in form 2 and I thought it'd be a cool name for a URL so I adopted it. I asked his permission and he was fine with me using it. He doesn't use this name anymore in MSN, I doubt he even uses MSN anymore. :) Anyone on tumblr you don’t like?
Mmmmm Those anons that love to undermine people's confidence
A question of your own?
What do you not see a future with me? Why?

So you said.

2011-11-17T10:16:00.000-08:00

So now, according to you we're over...
You want me to move on.
Here's me saying I don't think I can.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

2011-11-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

I don’t believe feelings go away.

I don’t think someone can go from loving someone with everything they have, to taking another step forward in life without you there with them. Time goes on and you go through more experiences, more memories together.

They leave a indelible footprint in your mind, never to leave you. But sure, time goes on and things change, obstacles and disagreements happen. But those feelings don’t fade. I look back at anyone ive ever put my heart into, and there’s still something there for them. No one goes through my heart without leaving a mark.

So what I don’t understand is you. Yes, you. I know you have that one person in your mind when you’re reading this. The person who has tossed you aside and never looked back. As you sit here wondering where everything you had together went.

When in fact it went nowhere. It’s still there, in both of your minds. Just they choose to push it further and further back in their memory, until it fades into a time of life that seemed to never occur. And I lay here night after night, every moment of every day trying to figure out how this could be. How to put these thoughts swarming in my mind into tangible words. And I’m dumbfounded.

I have no answers, no reasoning. Just the dull ache in my chest and weary eyes holding back tears. The stereotypical teenage heartbreak isn’t so cliche to me. You meant something so much more to me, and you know that. It’s accepting the fact our love wasn’t infinite.

Jazlan, I’m scared to death. That’s the fucking truth. I’m terrified. I’m terrified because I’m not there with you, I’m not there to show you how fucking much I love you, we’re not even together and that gives me a bigger chance of losing you, you never have time for me so I get scared that it’s going to stay that way, I’m scared some other girl that is going to be more than I am and is going to steal your heart from me. I’m just fucking terrified and I can’t do anything about it.

Even though you're a liar, if you told me, right now, that you loved me and that you were sorry, I would believe you and that's the truth.

Hey you.

2011-11-16T10:40:00.000-08:00

"Chin up, beautiful.

No matter what anyone leads you to believe, you are beautiful. You have something about you that no one else in the whole world has. Let it shine, and don’t hide it from anyone. I do believe that there is one person for everyone, and everyone else we’ve been with has just been a trial run. If you’re not what someone wants, don’t beat yourself up about it. There are 329492389832487+ more people in this world, and it’s not your fault that you’re not exactly what they want. Don’t blame yourself for that. Don’t change to be what someone else wants, either. It won’t be pretty in the end, because it’s not who you really are, and who you really are needs to be treasured by someone who truly wants exactly what you are for who you are.

Don’t settle, and don’t dwell on the ones you lost.

There will be someone who loves every little quirky thing about you, I promise.

<3"

By far one of the sweetest message I've ever gotten :') Thank you buddy!

Don't leave me tonight #np

2011-11-14T09:43:00.000-08:00

Do you remember all your promises? Because I do.
Do you remember how happy I was when I found out that you liked me too? Because I do.
Do you know how high my hopes of finally actually having a good life no matter how hard it throws shit in my way because I realized I have you? Because I do.

I promise I can be what you need to be. I'm not gonna come off as a desperate person but you, in you I really truly trusted my heart with. And now we're tottering on the edge and I'm falling off without knowing if you are willing to give out your hand to save me.

I love you Jaz..

Remember sayang? Cause I do...

Baby be mine.

2011-11-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

I want a boy who would hold my hand in line at the mall & make all the girls jealous.

I want someone who would sing to me at random moments.

Someone who is more goofy than romantic.

A boy who would throw stuffed animals at me when I'm acting dumb.

Someone who would bet me kisses that he could beat me at all the old playstation games and then let me win.

A guy who would make fun of me just to hear my laugh.

He'd play with my hair all the time & surprise me with 25 cent rings.

Someone who I could share lollipops with & lay on a blanket with to count the stars.

We'd buy tons of disposable cameras to take the silliest pictures of each other & squirt water guns at each other in the house.

But mostly ; some who would be my best friend & would never break my heart.

He would just always make me smile

My brain is fried

2011-10-29T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm just blogging because I'm too stressed out to do pretty much anything else and I just... can't take it anymore.

Eid-ul-adha is next week, I'm going for Hajj, 7amdellah but theres just too much assignment to be completed over the weekend and it's giving me huge headaches on how to manage my time well throughout these two weeks. Social studies project is good and done thank god, I swear that assignment practically sucked the life out of me, I was so fucking stressed I actually broke down a few times while doing it. And now English project? it's really unfair how they give homework over religious holidays. Excuse me, when you're in America, do you get homework over Christmas break? Or Fourth of July? You don't. Okay you don't. One week eid break is a RELIGIOUS celebration, so people actually do celebrate this day, especially in Saudi Arabia. HONESTLY!

And furthermore all our assignments are like smack dab in our faces I mean hello, we may be seniors in high school yes but we're not in college and I know you want to prepare us but do it GRADUALLY! prepare us instead giving us shitloads of assignments that we can't do. We're not Advanced Placement or Honors students. We're not IB students. YOU DON'T GIVE US AP SUBJECTS BUT WE HAVE TO WORK WITH IT? And it doesn't even go on our fucking transcript that we're doing AP material it's just so fucking unfair. And when we can't do it, you say 'Oh you girls always ask for AP courses so this is AP material' 'AP students can finish this in ten minutes you guys need 30 minutes, obviously you're not fit to do AP' like what the actual fuck? That's like undermining our self confidence right there. Honestly you want us to work on college applications but all you do is sit there and smile and expect us to be perfect.

What you don't realise is we actually study our butts off for our classes. You admit it yourself we're great students and we work hard, so don't take advantage of us and think that just because we get A's means your material is easy. It's not and the reason we score them is we study. We study at home, at break, at lunch and in between classes for you. WE WANT TO GET A's AND MAINTAIN THE SCHOOL'S REPUTATION, SINCE IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO YOU GUYS. but you're just taking advantage of us and it's frankly, unfair.

So stressed, too stressed.

Kaay sorry for my depressing post LOL

Here's a panda

I have feelings too, o.0

2011-10-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

Do you know how I feel? I don't think so, but this happens all the time love. So I guess I have to learn how to get used to being treated this way. But I can promise you this, I will love you like no other, cause i've said I before and I'll say it again, when I fall for someone, I fall hard.

I love you, Jaz :)

Hi.

2011-10-20T00:49:00.001-07:00

Me amigas :)

2011-10-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yassy, Allison, Myrone, Desmond ♡

Isu sensitip

2011-10-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hah, rasa macam nak blogging lak tudei :p so yallah~

blogging lam bahsa sarawak jak eh, paling senang k nganok org lol. K marek bah, ada lah miak tok, nya nganok kawan aku ba, dah la MIAK -.- nang dasar tuija, ngegeh lalu jak hur hur aku nang paling pantang lah mun nembiak mok nganok org tua hahahaha cam sial jak upa , mencik tgga.

K sikda ilham, plus I have spanish homework, adios amigas!

If I ran away,would you chase me?

2011-10-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly.

I want you to give me your hoodie when I`m cold.

I want you to hold me and keep me warm.

I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies together.

I want you to kiss me in the rain.

I want you to hold my hands and play with my fingers.

I want you to play with my hair.

I want you to take amazing photos with me.

I want you to come to my house and meet my family.

I want you to lay on my bed with me and just hold me.

I want you to let me dress you up and make you look silly.

I want you to watch sunrise with me.

I want you to give me piggy back rides daily.

I want you to kiss my nose.

I want you to wipe my tears away.

I want you to tell me that you miss me already even if we were together five minutes ago.

I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.

I want you to take me on a picnic.

I want you to snuggle with me in the movie theaters.

I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can when you hug me.

I want you to smile every single time you see me.

I want you to know how much I love you.

I just want you, Jazlan. I just want you.

whoever made society’s standards is such an asshole.

2011-10-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

I have so many stressful things in my life right now can't imagine where to begin, well I can actually, I'll start with college.

I never thought that I'd start fussing over college applications now, guess cause if I'm in Malaysia I would do things differently, I would apply after I finish my high school education and over here I have to apply NOW. like NOW. Moving to Saudi is still new to me even after 5 months I'm here, HELL, there are some people who have been here for years and they're still experiencing culture shock so I know I'm not alone but still....

All my classmates seem to have made up their mind of where to go and I'm still here.. drifting alone... lost and I feel so suffocated cause well to start off, I don't even know what I want. Some people are telling me it's okay to freak out once in a while, it's normal but right now I pretty much freak out ALL THE TIME so is this normal? I don't think so. The thing is, I appear so chilled on the outside, like I'm very normal and cool and appear to not bother about these things at all but actually I do, I do very much.

I'm new to all this applying thing, I've never taken the SAT's or whatever so I'm very new to this system but nobody around me seems to get that not even my dad he thinks it's so easy, he thinks I just sign up online and I'll get accepted to college and I just... URGHHH!!!!!!!!!

Jazlan Ariff ♡

2011-10-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

You don't really need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely.

You're a dream come true.. :)

Seriously you are, you may not be perfect but to me you're pretty damned close to. I thought you'd never actually fall for me, I really did. But you proved me wrong, and boy I'm glad you did. I guess I can say I fell in love with you at first sight, haha :p When I found out I was going to Riyadh that weekend I was sooooooo happy I swear, *angau* I was only hoping maybe we could meet up for a while, you know how we never actually met up yet before that? I only met your parents and you met mine, but we never meet each other! It's so weird :p

But who knew, my dad invited you to join us on that wonderful Friday, the whole day :DDDDD Picked you up from your hotel, then we drove around Riyadh, kononnya nak cari 'forts' but we just ended up getting lost until we arrived at a mosque, and you and babah went for Friday prayers together.. Awww I wish I took a picture okay you two looked so damn cute :p And in my mind was like "I wish he was my boyfriend, it would be so cool if my boyfriend went for Friday prayers with my dad" and in the car Qayla and Eliya were teasing me like crazy already, guess it was obvious I liked you even then! :p

Then we went atv-ing in the red sand dunes, and it was fucking amazing :') Well first of all there was the car ride, where we made fun of my dad's GPS and kept groaning about how long it took for us to get there and teasing my mum over her picture taking obsession xD then I got so bored I played with your phone and my sisters pun nak main terus, and we were talking about your music taste :p I still remember ;

"Do you know Death Cab For Cutie?"

"Err no.." "Dia minat Korea lah..."

"HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE DEATH CAB???? *eliya's face of disgust*"

Love, I remember everything. I remember how you looked on the ATV when you were riding it rushing up the sand dunes, I remember how your hair was tousled in a funny way when the wind blew through it, I remember you helping me and my sisters carry our stuck ATV from the hole in the sand dunes, I remember seeing you trying to lift YOURS and wanting to help you but I was scared I might get stuck too and we both might get stuck haha :p

After that we went to that Filipino place behind the ATV place and you were climbing up that hill with Qayla.. Sumpah cair I tau. pastu watching you throwing away the sand from your pants' pocket, your shoes, your wallet, and your phone was so cute I just had to take a picture and my mum kept teasing you and my dad asked you to just get a new phone and tell your dad to blame him hahaha :)

after that was the trip back to the city and hunting for a place to eat.. Sumpah lama -____-" I hated the traffic jams but I loved spending the ride with you, sitting next to you in the car, literally behind my parent's back! And we had a great time making fun of those crazy Saudi's who were REALLY CRAZY on their national day celebration, memang best lah ngata orang orang Saudi ni :p so then we FINALLY found place to eat, and once again people thought we were pinoys LOL then after dinner we began the long journey back to send you back to your hotel.. That was torture but having you there helped :) I kept forcing myself to not fall asleep, hehe control ayu konon -.-" Fun time of talking with you, then 2 hours later baru sampai your hotel, then 3 hours to my hotel, THAT WAS HORRIBLE oh my god.. But like 5 seconds after I waved goodbye to you I fell asleep straight away haha my eyes just couldn't take it anymore esp when my body was sooo tired from all the ATV-ing.

And the next day was the day I had to go back to Khobar cause I had to go to school the next day and that sucked :| But still that night my dad asked me

"Esok nak bawak Jazlan keluar ke tak.. Kita gi shopping jer.. "

"ummm nak i tanya dia ke?" *LOL sebenarnya nak sangat!*

"Tak payah la, kita gi shopping jer, dia laki, takkan nak ikut"

"Okay..." *hampa dah lol :p*

"Kenapa lak? Awak nak jumpa dia ke?"

"Boleh jugak, I pun jarang dapat hang out dengan dia pasni pon.." *control doh ;p*

"Okay lah esok pagi I call dia, kita pergi makan lunch dengan dia pastu hanta dia balik and we go home"

I was like, "YESSSS!!!!!!" in my heart lah :p hahahah Was so happy that I could still see you and when we got to the restaurant I purposely walked behind you so that I could sit right next to you :p And then the funniest thing was when my whole family ordered Japanese food and you suddenly ordered Lasagna, hahaha what lah! :p And the waiter gave us chopsticks

"Hah lan, makan lah lasagna awak tu dengan chopsticks. Orang dtg makan jepun awak pergi order lasagna lak.. makan lah dgn style orang jepun"

"Bolehh uncle!"

AND YOU ACTUALLY ATE IT hahahahaha I swear I just had to control myself from laughing so hard and then you didn't even finish your food! Me and my sisters yang tolong awak :p And when you scooped some lasagna for my little sister, I was like "Okay this is so boyfriend material" hahaha :p Sumpah cair okaaayyy!!!! :DDDD But time flew, it flew so fast and soon lunch was over and it was time to send you back to your hotel and us be on our way home... :( I swear I couldn't be happy the whole 4 hours ride home cause I was thinking when I was gonna meet you again after that weekend.. :\

But look at us now love, you and me, we're gonna conquer the world. Two teens stuck miles away from home somehow found solace in each other, you got me and I got you. We all need someone to believe in and we go searching for that person, and for me that person is you, Jaz. I love you.

11011

2011-10-07T02:53:00.000-07:00

You got me and I got you now. Honestly never thought I will I ever get you :) I know I gave up when you were with her so I tried moving on but honestly saying I always had that tiny crush on you, :) And who knew who knew who knew you liked me too yeay! ^^ Hehe sakai so hello princey, I wuvv yew :)

Seriously you bring out all the good things in me, I now know, like whatever I do I'm never alone and you would love despite my flaws. Thank you for listening to my ranting in all our phone calls and when I almost broke down you just listened. :)

Long distance really sucks balls but I guess I have to make do with what I got and hopefully I can see you soon cause I miss you so so so so so much Jaz :) thank god thank god for skype! *Asal saya asyik repeat ni ==" Haha bak kata kak wanie "angau lah ngko nih" Heheheh memang saya angau kot, princey I ni best sangat ok ^^

Yes, I miss you. I miss you a whole hell of a lot. You are my one and only and you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

永远是我们的，我亲爱的.

GIRLS LANGUAGE

2011-09-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

GIRLS LANGUAGE:

When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.
When she pushes you or hits you like a dummy cause she thinks shes stronger than you, grab her and don`t let go.
When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough, kiss her and tell her you love her.
When she`s quiet, ask her what`s wrong.
When she ignores you,give her your attention.
When she pulls away, pull her back.
When you see her at her worst, tell her she`s beautiful.
When you see her start crying, just hold her and don`t say a word.
When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.
When she`s scared, protect her and make her feel safe with you.
When she steals your favorite hoodie, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.
When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn`t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.
When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up.
When she says that she loves you, she really does more than you can understand.
When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.
When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.
When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.
When she looks at you in your eyes, don`t look away until she does.
When she says it`s over, she still wants you to be hers.