Day 3: A person or persons who has impacted your life in some way last year.

First love, it never goes away no matter how hard you try it’ll always be in the back of your mind. Our story is unbelievable it doesn’t make sense, we didn’t make sense.  When it first started out I’d get butterflies with the mention of his name, it made my heart skip a beat, even if it wasn’t him who they talked about. Now the mere sound of his name makes my stomach drops and my guts turn. I don’t think I’ll ever understand, how can fireworks turn into wildfires? Hate so strong it makes you nauseous. Would things have been different now, If I had expressed how I felt about him more? It’s inevitable not to think about how things could have turned out if some things had changed. I’m not mad at him I can’t be, I’m mad at myself for letting this go on for so long. Inside me something will always be missing without him here, I’ll never have a friend like him again but I suppose that’s the way it’s meant to be. 

There’s nothing left for me here but to apologize for all the mistakes I made, the mistakes we both made. My tears will dry. As days go by, I’ll miss him a little bit less. The pain will go away, my days won’t be so gray. I still have some hope that maybe one day I’ll be okay, I’ll be happy again. Sometimes the people you think will love you the most in the world turn out to be the ones who hurt you more than anyone else. One thing I do know is… when I’m older I’ll always think of him and smile, the things we put each other through, the fights, the infidelity, the lies, the heartbreaking ending, none of it will matter because he was the one that made me realize it is possible to love, even if it was just for a while. It’s hard to forget the first person that made you feel something never in your life have you felt before.  As cliché as it might sound, I know nothing last forever. 

2011,

It was a year where I was let down by a lot of people. There was a lot of drama and heartbreaks. I regretted a lot of things. Everything seemed to be so wrong and the perfect things would always happen at the wrong time. A lot happened. More than I could handle. But hey, i’m glad to say that I survived it and made it into 2012. It wasn’t easy, but I’m now making sure that 2012 will be a whole lot better.